Description for description’s sake doesn’t make good writing. Whenever possible, description should be woven into the other story elements. Think of description as spice. Without any spices, food might be bland. With too much, the food might be uneatable. And with the right amount, it enhances our enjoyment.
Give your description specifics. Instead of “the dog” use “German Shepherd.”
In place of saying a situation is “mysterious” or a character is “playful” use words or phrases that give the impression of the mood you wish to create.
Find ways to tie description into the action of characters. Use the setting to evoke some emotion or experience of a character.
EXAMPLES:
Active Description
Maggie’s jeans were torn and dirty.
Maggie’s Levi’s drug along the dirt pathway, kicking up dirt which the cotton collected, adding grim to spots of skin that showed through ragged openings.
Weave with Character
He wore a bright, yellow shirt.
Mary flinched, raising her hand to her eyes, as Tom walked out the elevator, his shirt as bright as the noon day sun.
Melting Mood
Brent saw Alicia walk into the café wearing a dark dress and shoes.
Alicia stopped just inside of the dimly lit Café Ramon. Brent watched her look around as he traced the top if his gin glass. Her dress was perfect for a late dinner date and one word entered his mind as he licked his lips: juicy.
Tying into Setting
The house sat on the hilltop, not a tree nearby.
Abandoned, Eldridge Manor sat on the hilltop. Richard took in a deep breath, letting the loneliness of long ago melt into him as he watched the house of his childhood.
Question for today: Up for a challenge? Try this: Take these telling sentences and turn them into GOOD descriptions by weaving them into other story elements.
The waves crashed on the beach.
Wendy ran across the street into oncoming traffic.
His shirt was bloody and torn.
The dog ran through the park.
Timothy watched the storm clouds gather.
Best Wishes,
June
joni
Mar 07, 2010 @ 20:38:48
Oh I love a challenge. I do this with my writing a lot, when I think the sentence just isn’t working. I’ll rephrase and do it again and again until the one I like jumps out at me and says USE ME! lol~joni
How’d I do teach?
Up for a challenge? Try this: Take these telling sentences and turn them into GOOD descriptions by weaving them into other story elements.
The waves crashed on the beach.
The frothy waves made a thundering sound as they lapped the shore.
Wendy ran across the street into oncoming traffic.
Wendy darted into moving ballistic missiles as the other side of the street neared.
His shirt was bloody and torn.
Mike’s old raggy shirt had stains of blood and was shredded at the bottom.
The dog ran through the park.
Einstein trotted along the tree laden path. 🙂
Timothy watched the storm clouds gather.
Timothy looked on as the looming gray clouds burst with thunder and lightning.
liveyourwritingdream
Mar 08, 2010 @ 18:15:14
Hi Joni,
You expanded the telling sentences to be more active and to enhance the mood.
Nice!
On the ones where characters were included, how might you draw in deeper emotions?
Take care,
June
joni
Mar 08, 2010 @ 19:27:38
Saddened by the impending roar, Timothy looked on as the looming gray clouds burst with thunder and lightning.
Wiggling wet, Einstein playfully trotted along the tree laden path.
Mike’s all-time-favorite battered shirt had stains of blood and the bottom was frayed like an old rag mop.
Emotions dug up? 🙂
liveyourwritingdream
Mar 09, 2010 @ 19:53:21
Dug up — and with style! Hope this was helpful, Joni!
Take care,
June
joni
Mar 09, 2010 @ 20:02:06
It WAS!!!
It expands my mind when one makes me think. And well, you always do that for me, June! lol
(((june)))
Can’t wait to see the next post. I love the question of the day!!! 🙂
liveyourwritingdream
Mar 11, 2010 @ 07:32:47
Thanks Joni! 🙂
I love learning and have found, as I’m sure you know, that teaching /mentoring forces us to learn…
Take care,
June